Wake up this morning to a disturbing scene? There are hundreds of zombie citizens wandering the streets looking for some of the uninfected brains to feast on, and guess what: you fit the bill perfectly. So, should you decide that your neighbor knocking on your door isn’t looking to borrow some sugar, consider your options for zombie annihilation, and protect yourself at all costs.
Obviously, the head shot
Ripping off a limb won’t do much as most of these undead wanderers are missing limbs already. The head is the place you want to target. It’s recommended that you find yourself a high-powered rifle, climb onto your roof, and begin delivering your vengeance Grand Theft Auto style. Head shots will take zombies down faster than any other method.
Fire
A zombie can’t get his mitts on you and eat your brains if he’s a pile of ash, so never underestimate the power of fire. This is a classic kill technique, and with some planning, you can eliminate quite a few in the area in no time. For example, consider dousing the street with gasoline, calling out that you have some fresh brains in need of consumption, and light the street up when they all come knocking. Sure, it may seem a little unfair, but you’re outnumbered so anything is fair game.
Shoveling a 1-2 Punch
Should you find yourself without a rifle, don’t discount the damage you can do with a shovel. Now, taking the head right off is ideal, but if you’re in a melee, try the 1-2 punch. One swing with the metal spade to the leg should hobble them, and with one fluid motion…Wham! Headless. If anyone was around to see it, it’d look really cool.
Don't underestimate the use of farm implements.
Nuclear Warfare
Sure, this falls in line with fire, but if you have incredible amounts of power…like, say, the President, consider this option. There may be collateral damage, but in the end, nothing will spread and everything in the contaminated area will be squeaky clean. Well, except for the fact that it’s a massive parking lot that will be useless to humanity for the next 50 years.
Finding yourself in the middle of a zombie situation can be a bit unsettling, but be sure to keep your wits about you. You’re likely the smartest and fastest human left in the area, so use these things to your advantage. A little bit of flair and ingenuity can have you in the expert ranks of zombie killers in no time at all.
The key to zombie killing is keeping your distance. A single bite can have you roaming the streets in an ungraceful fashion within hours, so be sure to protect yourself from their greedy mouths. Wear layers that’ll be hard to bite through, and most importantly, never assume that you are out of the woods. There’s always another zombie to kill, and once you’ve mastered the techniques involved, you’ll be eager to experiment further. Get creative, and have a good time! After all, it’s like your own personal adventure.