There are some things in life that just are the way they are. They are not meant to be altered in any way. One of those facts not to be dismantled is that a Zombie Can’t Run. I know that Hollywood is running out of ways to scare people, and when you increase the speed of the predator you ultimately increase the fear of the prey; but you can’t allow a zombie to run. Here are a few reasons why zombies just can’t run:
• because I am out of shape dude and they will catch me faster (okay that was personal)
• running makes zombies look more human and resembles the (running of the bulls)
• it takes eating fast food to an entirely different level
That concludes the light hearted look at why zombies can’t run; now let’s explore this issue further by examining the reasons that just make a zombie enthusiast go ballistic.
Real Reasons Why Zombies Can’t Run
Of course we like taking a light hearted view of any subject but the notion that zombies can run rubs many zombie enthusiasts the wrong way. There is something sacred about the alteration of something deemed unique, classic, or profound. The zombies we came to love from Night of the Living Dead were slow, barely able to walk, which is what you would expect from a walking corpse. But, although the zombie was slow; it would never give up. They seemed perfectly willing to stumble around a building or up and down a street until a human made the mistake of crossing their path. The real reasons zombies can’t run could be:
• they are dead; when you are dead you’re dead. You can’t move.
• once Rigormortis sets in (a few hours) body will become stiff as a board and the zombie will fall over.
• Bones could be so fragile and decayed that feet, ankles, knees and entire legs would snap off in the first few strides.
• because they are not in a hurry (snuck that one in)
• because many cities in the world hold zombie walks not zombie runs
• they consider it bad manners to eat and run
The Summary
The truth is we like the stumbling, slow walking zombie of Living Dead fame. We can’t help but feel that we have some hope for survival when we know we can outrun a zombie. When we lose that hope then we begin to see ourselves as easy prey and that takes all the fun out of it. Next you will be telling us that a bullet to the head does not kill a zombie. Slow walking zombies allow us to feel at least a little comfortable with our mortality.